Elephants Turning Tricks

In the interest of granting equal time I thought we could take a quick mosey through the right side of the isle. Again, WTF are these folks doing getting muddy this early in the game? This entire exercise feels completely asinine as Inauguration Day is two years away. I guess there’s advertising space that needs to be sold, so we’ll have this shoved in our faces 24/7 henceforth.

Rudy Guiliani. Gotta give some props to any guy that can unfu** New York City. For anybody that thinks he doesn’t have genuine leadership ability I have two contrasting words for you: Ray Nagin. Rudy’s biggest problem, aside from his ego, is going to be his own party. If memory serves he’s pro-choice and pro-gay marriage, two things the right flank of the party are going to whip him with. He’s gonna have some issues when he has to account for his personal life, but anymore that seems to be an admission criteria for entry into politics. Also, there’s that troubling baldness thing. Who was the last bald president we elected? Ike?

Newt Gingrich. Yea, much like Algore, that’s already been tried. Newt’s actually a pretty smart guy, but it’s not gonna matter when he gets to talking. His mouth seems to attain a velocity all its own when he gets going. If he’d learned the less-is-more philosophy a dozen years ago he might stand a chance. Probably the next best thing the Republicans have as far as shitstorm lightning rods go, behind the current POTUS and VPOTUS.

John McCain. It’s hard for me not to like John for personal reasons. He’s got honest to god steel in his spine that he paid for with his own blood. Also a bit of a centrist, which could end up being a blessing or a curse depending on how he views his own party. (Side Note: I’m still holding out hope for a concept I saw last fall: A McCain/Lieberman ticket. I think it would be f****** fabulous! Best thing to happen to presidential politics in a century.) Kinda crotchety though. Also, getting a head start on that Reaganesque falling asleep in meetings thing.

Mitt Romney. Any Republican that can get himself elected in Massachusetts bears looking at. We’ll have to wait and see if he can dance on the big stage without stepping on his junk. His own party’s going to flog the crap out of him over same sex marriage. He’s probably a political corpse that doesn’t know he’s dead.

George Pataki. Yawn.

Jim Gilmore. Who?

Sam Brownback. A little too much like our current president for his own good. Doesn’t mean he isn’t a decent guy, but he’s gonna get Bush fatigue in a big hurry. Probably gonna come down to delivery on his part. My gut tells me the body politic is tired of bible thumpers.

Mike Huckabee. Who?

Chuck Hagel Ha ha ha ha….ouch! Sorry, just fell out of my chair laughing.

Tom Tancredo. Threw that last one in just because Tom’s more a Libertarian than a Republican. It would be nice to see a serious challenger from that angle. If they’d just stop insisting the rest of us read Atlas Shrugged folks would be falling all over them.

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