I’m trying to remember what it was like before the Internet. How the first cut was generally made. But now, in the age of eHarmony and match.com, the cut comes differently.
A friend recently told me the story of talking to her not-so-ex-boyfriend (seems strange, in itself, to call him “boyfriend” since he is in his late 50s and she is 60, but there it is). He spoke of his current paramour—my friend is most insistent that all other connections be disclosed—and how she differed from my friend. My friend, knowing they met online, made note of details, and very shortly found the new paramour’s profile. She discussed this with her ex; and he agreed with her when she listed the ways in which the new woman fell short. This is all just a bit too open for me, but its not my life, so I merely listened, in awe of their ability to discuss all.
So then we come to me and my tiny little life. I decide, genius that I am, to check out a certain online dating service. I have tried many methods over the years: personal ads, online dating, telling ALL my friends that they should introduce me to their single male friends. And I’m still single. Never married. At least I can say I never paid a divorce lawyer. But I digress. I go to this unnamed online dating service, and within 60 seconds, I see the profile of my most recent ex-boyfriend. The person I thought was my soul mate. The man I intended to take for better or for worse. And he’s out there lookin’ for love.
At first I was stunned. Then angry. Now, I truly wish him well. Because, if I say I loved him (and I do) then I have to want him to find happiness somewhere, somehow. And I am no saint, but I do not subscribe to the scorched earth theory of love.
However, I do know this in a way I apparently didn't know before: its over.
Athena
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Life is brutal sometimes. I hated the search phase of dating. I hated starting over again, doing the same things with a different person. I have a long term relationship, 23 years. I have a person who loves me, who is always there. He drives me crazy at times, but I can honestly say he is the first person I go to with a problem, when I fall down (physically, emotionally, financially) it is his name I call. We have raised two wonderful children together, as I say, I got the boy at 14 and didn't kill him during his teens, so he belongs to me too. And loved a third one to
wonderful womanhood. You. You love yourself enough to be alone rather than with a jerk. At that point, I realized that I was truly ready to look because I wasn't desparate.
Keep looking! My brother found his latest bride online...his 3rd marriage, but this one he picked sober, which should in theory help.
You know where to find me.
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