That House on West Paces Ferry

Is there anyone, anywhere in this state whose EEG even twitches at the idea of the governor's race? To paraphrase P.J. O'rourke, how the f*** did we end up with these two quibbledicks vying for helicopter rides? Let's roll through the options.

First we have Sonny, a man that couldn't excite 5 year olds on a playground. He does get points for chutzpa, what with that whole "I'll change the flag if you elect me, honest" move he pulled. The truly fascinating aspect of that is watching the indignation of people that feel betrayed by that issue. Oh my god! You mean a politician lied to you? Couldn't happen to a nicer group. Aside from that, can anybody name one thing Sonny has done to.....well can you name anything he's done? Yes, state services took a hit. Our mother works for the state and her pay took it in the shorts over the past few years. But Sonny inherited an economy that was on Ex-Lax. And let's face it, unless it can be attacked by the National Guard there isn't too much a governor can do about too much.

Mark Taylor reminds me of Amway for some reason. The entertaining thing about Mark Taylor is that I haven't watched a politician beg this hard in years. He's using babies and puppies in his commercials for Christ's sake. Maybe we can get someone with some personality to loan him a cup or two, at least until the election is over. He's my question for the electorate. Mark has been in the co-pilot seat the whole time Sonny's been governor. Every time Mark says Sonny's administration sucks isn't he getting some splatter on himself? Got a question for Mark. What have you done, ever, that makes you qualified to be governor. Being elected to the number two spot is not a testimony to the depth of your character. If you had been a captain of industry you could at least say you had, you know, done something. Oh, my mistake. Just read your bio. It says you're an executive in your father's company. Boy, I bet that interview was tough. Sounds like you know what hard work is.

This leads to a larger question I've been toying with for a while now. What is the point in having a governor? (I know, it's a rhetorical question. It's not like we have an alternative here.) Day to day stuff in the world of governance is carried on by career bureaucrats. People that move the ball forward in this world are average Joes and Jans that endure the political mood swings of pencil necks that think they're anointed because they were 5 percentage points more popular than someone else. The people that get the roads built, teach your kids, maintain the parks, and come when you call 911 don't have the option of being an executive in their father's company. Most of those people show up for work every day because they feel theirs is a job worth doing and they derive some satisfaction by being of use to their fellow man.

That said, the office of governor can be extremely important to the citizens of a state. Just ask everyone that voted for Kathleen Blanco. Although she fell flat on her face, I don't think the problem was Kathleen. She was the product of a system where your qualification for governance is based on your popularity. As Hurricane Katrina showed us to the tune of a thousand dead bodies, politics shouldn't be an anyone-can-play game. We need a better vetting process. Fire and police services require rigorous training before you're given power over other humans. What do politicians have to do? Spend a lot of money, that's what. The problem we run up against as citizens is what I call the natural gas cul-de-sac. (And while we're on the subject of gas and governors, thanks for that particular fucking Roy.) Choosing a governor is like choosing a natural gas provider. Regardless of whom you chose the bill is going to be about the same. You get the option of "choosing" the name on the bill, but it's still the same stinky unstable shit being pumped into your house.

It's been more than a little fun watching the Kinky Friedman run for governor in Texas. I think we need more Kinky's in this political world. Kinky is in effect saying to the other candidates "No body takes you seriously anymore. My being here is proof of that". Kinky is to professional politics what blogs are to the mainstream media. He's set me to thinking: Who in Georgia would make a Kinky-style run for governor?

The name we should see on the ballot is Shirley Franklin. She's about the only politician in Georgia that can stand up and say with a straight face "There's a whole lot less broken stuff now than when I got here". Anyone that can get a handle on that festering monument to dysfunctionality that is the City of Atlanta deserves to go far in this life. Given the comparative levels of dysfunction, Shirley should be able to unkink the state in about a week. Not that the bar was very high for Shirley. All she needed to do to be better than her predecessor was show up for work and not get indicted. God bless her, Shirley is actually trying to make things better. Is it too late to have a write in candidate?

Ares