"Do You Think I'm Stupid?"

Another Vernon Jones Production is in the works. This time it’s the county’s long, drawn out, excruciatingly desultory search for a new police chief. Not content with the current candidate pool, Uncle Vern had to seek out his own brand of corruption. For the full back story I direct you to that paragon of journalistic virtue, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Sandwiched in a forest of commercial ads you find “Ex-Dallas chief up for DeKalb police job”.

Terrell Bolton was chief of the Dallas Police Department from 1999 to 2003 according to the article. His first act was demoting the then-current brass in the department, a move that cost the city of Dallas $5.5 million in a later lawsuit. (Victor Hill’s long lost brother?) He was fired in 2003 for what is coyly referred to as “other controversies”. This makes him perfect to work in DeKalb County politics. We seem to specialize in “other controversies” here in DeKalb County.

Bolton already knows what plays to call should he land in DeKalb. The article says he was “supported by some black ministers after his firing.” and told a church congregation that the city manager had been ‘tricked by Satan’. Am I the only one that gets that queasy feeling when a group of ‘black ministers’ is trotted out to do political bidding? (Tawana Brawley anyone?) Although I must admit that I have a weak spot for the ‘tricked by Satan’ defense. The public’s reaction to that particular defense will provide a quick litmus test of intelligence. Little known fact: The ‘tricked by Satan’ defense is a close cousin of the ‘that’s not my dope/gun/dead ex-wife’ defense used so successfully by perps in DeKalb County courts.

According to the AJC, the three actual finalists were the product of a search committee appointed by Jones. The article also said that Jones had hoped to find a female candidate, but no female candidates could be recruited. This is because women are much smarter than men. Jackie Barrett was still at an investment seminar and couldn’t be reached. Beverly Harvard wants to see how that new Ikea furniture looks in her office at the airport before she’ll throw her name in the ring. Beverly should be perfect for the job; she’s got years of experience playing the faithful subservient to megalomaniac politicians and running police departments into the ground.

The issue the AJC throws down and then promptly ignores is how Bolton’s ended up in contention for the job. If he wasn’t a recommendation of the search committee how did he make it into the running? Short version: Vernon saw someone he could own outright. Someone with crap in his past he could dangle over his head. Wonder if there is still room in the Sid Dorsey Memorial Wing of Reidsville State Prison?

The absolute best part of the entire piece comes from Vernon himself. When asked about Bolton’s background and ‘controversies’ Uncle Vern says “Do you think I’m stupid?” Oh Vernon, didn’t your momma teach you not to dangle juicy little nuggets like that in front of the voting public?

Ares