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Monday

Monday

Marmot

Yes, it's Monday.

Marmot Monday

How NOT To Do It

Man who threw feces in courtroom draws 31-year sentence for robbery.

Dude, you're doing it wrong.

The Department of The Obvious Checks In

CNN falls to last place in ratings for prime-time programs.

In other news, water is wet and the sky is blue.

Marmot Monday

Editor?

The Seattle Times has got to find a better headline writer. From today's web edition:

Huskies linebacker achieves his dream, now has torn ACL.

Who dreams of achieving a torn ACL?


Ares

Swine Flu

Marmot Monday

We're Baaack!

Ig-Noble Peace Prize

This best part of POTUS winning the Nobel Peace Prize isn't the award itself. It's the stream of commentary that can be harvested in it's wake. Cherry picked from Instapundit are the favorites thus far:

"How do you say 'jumped the shark' in Norwegian?"

From Richard Cohen of the WashPo: "At the same time, and amazingly enough, the Pulitzer Prize for Literature went to Sarah Palin for her stated intention “to read a book someday.”

More to follow on this developing un-story.

Ares

Working in Government

I am enjoying my current foray into working for the government. The daily brushes with absurdity and Rube Goldberg administrative processes are never ending entertainment. This week's installment was brought to us by the bench outside my office door. The other day we had a group of folks visiting the office. Most were what could generously be called big boned. At one point during the visit four of these endomorphs attempted to wedge themselves onto a bench that was built for two. With predictable results the bench collapsed, leaving one person slightly injured. As a result of this little incident it was decided that the benches are a hazard to persons of this body type and we will not be given a replacement. (Swear I'm not making this up.) I remedied the congnative dissonance by spending many hours watching the Violence Channel with my good friend Frito Pendejo.

Ares

A Question for Steve Jobs

As I'm sure we're all aware that there are algorithms that look at your shopping choices and try to present you with possible purchases up your alley. It is with that in mind that I pose this question to Apple: What in my long iTunes history metal and rock purchases make you think I'm down for some Camper Van Beethoven? Somebody check under the hood of Skynet.

Ares

Tyler Durden Tuesdays

There is a decent reason for the rot and neglect of this space over the past few months. I was engaged in a foreign pursuit: enjoying the hell out of life. Between the pursuit of happiness and the cacophony of stupid permeating the everything I thought it best to keep my trap shut in this space. Sure, there's been lots to comment upon. But I haven't managed more than a “boy, this sucks” conclusion of late, and you already knew it sucks. So for a little bit henceforth I'm gonna throw effort at the silly.

Ares

Marmot Monday

Marmot Monday

News From The Northwest

Or should I say “News flavored product”. Todays installment of the Why The F*** Are You Telling Me This files is courtesy of the ever-classy Seattle Times: Yakima Teacher Reprimanded For Sending 5-Year-Old Student Home With Bag Of Feces In Backpack. Leave it to the Times to make me wish for more stories about Michael Jackson being dead. While we're on this topic I've got a few questions of my own. For those that have issues with my digression on the subject please bear this in mind: I didn't make this a front page story in a major newspaper.

What sort of societal standard should we be hold out teachers to with regard to kids making a grunt sculpture in their classroom?

What would be the appropriate verbiage for telling a parent their precious little snowflake dropped a deuce in public?

Will this necessitate an addendum to progress reports? I.e.: Math B+, Reading C, Deportment Good, Absence of Dookie in Classroom Unsatisfactory.

Should Hallmark come out with a new line of cards to ease the communication between teachers and parents? “Roses are red, violets cost more, Your little angel, took a s*** on my floor.”

I could continue on this line but you get the idea. Personally I'd like to buy the teacher a tall cold one for dealing with this directly. I would have called the janitor (or HazMat) and waited in the hall. The kid's parents need to move right now. If they don't his prom date, and probably his wife, will know about this. As for the Times, the analogies between feces stories and their Port-O-San of a newspaper are too numerous to pluck. They've pretty much succeeded in beclowning themselves on this one.

Ares

McKinney, Redux

McKinney still held on ship of activists detained by Israel.

KEEP HER!

Ares

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