Atlanta's Math Problem

Short aside here. Came across a little stubbed toe of an article in the Urinal-Constipation about Fulton County reassessing value of some commercial properties downtown. The biggest chunk out of corporate ass is the new Ernst & Young building near the Aquarium. The property tax bill goes from $96 grand to $1.2 million. (Holy millage rate Batman!) Here's a tip to the deep thinkers at Fulton County government: You might not wanna raise the taxes 1200% on an accounting firm. They'll turn their army of Poindexters loose on you to the point that you'll owe them money when they're through. Not that I'm disparaging the folks at Fulton County. Any group that can make Dekalb County look cosmopolitan has my admiration. There's a nifty little chart at the bottom of the article that shows in numbers exactly how much Fulton County is trying to kill business in downtown Atlanta. Poor city of Atlanta, they almost had the pee smell problem solved and now this.

Ares

Thank You Just Doesn't Cover It

As the boys at BlackFive would say, here's someone you should know.

Ares

Matrix

Lest things start to look too serious in this space we've added some content to lighten it up a bit. Bravo Zulu to the folks that came up with this one.




Ares

Speaking of Known Unknowns

Athena and I have been having the discussion about government accounting playing hide-the-salami when it comes to liabilities. Specifically, the coming deluge of pension system obligations. Again, we're no experts, but it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to see the craters in the road ahead. In an odd showing of competence the New York Times laid this out pretty well last Wednesday. As if to piggyback on the theme the city of Vallejo filed for bankruptcy yesterday. Why? "....the cost of ballooning public safety employee contracts"

This is not mystery math. A high school freshman with a calculator can look at X number of employees with X number of years of service retiring a X percentage of annual salary and compute accordingly. San Diego actually had a bit of a dust up about this a few years before their pension system led them into bankruptcy. A city councilwoman had the audacity to suggest the system was out of balance. Her reward was fellow councilmen recommending her for psychological evaluation. I think her new last name is Vindication. This type of flapping incompetence is one of the reasons I'm not a "lifer" at my current employer. We're just starting to climb this hill. More to follow.

Ares

Known Unknowns

From the "No Shit, Sherlock" files comes this deft little booger of insight. The Washington Post has discovered that there's no real logical or economic basis for the explosion of oil prices. "The market is once again searching for a new equilibrium" said a report from Goldman Sachs. The equilibrium referenced is not the usual market forces of supply and demand, but rather the break point where people are moved to violence or outright theft. Around the Ares and Athena campfire we call this a "because we can" application of pricing.

I'm certainly no economist or expert on commodities valuation, but something has definitely changed in the last decade. There appears to be a heard of investment capital that has moved from commodity to commodity. The unifying thread in the movement is that the commodities are staples that consumers have little choice about consuming. It started with an intensive push for deregulation of portions of the power industry in the 90's. This resulted in criminal-level graft in California. (A sitting governor was deposed and the state was economically knee-capped at a cost a few indictments and hand slap fines.) This was followed closely by the absurd run-up in housing prices. Housing will have to retreat quite a bit further before it will be affordable to the average American again. Now we're a few years into a speculative frenzy concerning oil. The hedge fund alarmists have constructed a theater of imagination where any uttered disturbance is cause for increase in price. Favorite examples of the past few years have been rockets fired at oil tankers, forecasts of hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico, a rebel attack on a refinery in Nigeria, and any statement by anyone in Iran. None of these actually result in a supply reduction, but the the downrange facts have no place among current shakes of the Magic 8 Ball. Overlaid onto this decade has been the price of health care. Because, really, your only option besides paying is dying.

This is capitalism at its absolute worst. This carnivorous heard of revenue harvesters is consuming its own flesh. A cursory examination of the first 40 years of the 20th century bears out an excellent example of what predatory capitalism will reap. Aside from stretching society at the seams it brought down government intervention on an epic scale. The longer the current incarnation of that period persists the greater the chorus will be for intervention, regardless of reasonableness. Bear in mind that I'm an avowed capitalist when I say I don't have a problem proposing that the government nationalize the oil industry. The waste and abuse of applying civil service and congressional oversight to the energy industry would be a welcome change from compulsory contributions to epic racketeering. (I defy anyone to ethically justify hundred million dollar bonuses.) The longer this persists the more people are going to pushed into the arms of those that offer radical solutions. (Including mine. Thankfully I'm just Jake Jackass with a blog instead of a policy maker.) This has the real possibility of contorting the entire system to even worse ends. I don't know what will fix it, but like everyone else I can see that its fundamentally broken.

Ares

Changes

Been a while since we've changed the linen over here. I'm trying to see what this pig of a blog host site can do. More subtle changes to follow, including the subliminal advertising for donuts and beer. If you hear cursing from northeast Atlanta it's just me trying to get the code to do what I want. I believe the correct acronym is PEBKAC: Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair.

Ares

Battle of the Hot Dogs

It's hard for me not to love Drew Carey. Not only is he a pop culture anti-hero, with his less-than-slim waistline and coke bottle glasses, but he's also a pretty smart guy. Of late he's taken up the cause of combating stupidity via video spots on reason.tv. He tends to ask some pretty basic questions that are difficult to answer without retreating to sound-bite banalities. One of the best thus far is his latest, which is about a street cart hot dog vendor in Los Angeles that got busted for selling bacon wrapped hot dogs. (And got 45 days in jail. Holy nitrates, Batman!) Drew seems like a natural spokesman for bacon wrapped hot dogs.

Ya know, I'm just spitballin here, but if the Libertarians were serious about fronting a candidate with some distance they'd draft Drew. My friend R is constantly lamenting the perpetual flaccidness of the Libertarian Party. He's got strong recognition and comes across as a regular guy. Best of all, he's got nothing to lose. For those who laugh at the idea I would direct you to the Reagan Presidential Library to review the works of Governor Schwarzenegger.

Ares

Take My Wives, Please

With apologies to Henny Youngman. How could I not tickle the comedy gold that is the Texas Polygamist Sect? So much to hit here, so few metaphors. Let's just start with the ladies.

They've got a whole Anne of Amish Green Gables thing going there. Its like some strange gaggle of bible-thumping Squeaky Frommes. What part of Leviticus contains the passage "Thou shalt have a bouffant hairdoo, lest ye be transmitted to the gates of hell"?

Moving right along, I love the church that looks like it belongs on a Pitch-n-Putt course between the windmill and the dinosaur.

I think that ramp you see on the right is actually where the ball comes out when you hit it in the back door of the building.

Why is it you never hear of a polygamist group where women have more than one husband? This entire state of affairs is begging to be made into a reality television show. If we can have reality shows about wife swapping and crab fishing why not this? Because if there is one kind of reality show Americans love, it's the kind where we're yelling "What the f*** is wrong with you people!" by the end of the first episode. On a more serious note, you have to give some credit to both sides on this issue. Thus far everyone is going about this methodically and peacefully, unlike another Texas polygamist that burned his people to ash 15 years ago today.

Ares

Really?

Hate to be a self-appointed hall monitor on this whole "climate change" thing, but I've got a bulletin fresh from the What The F*** Files. I'd expect this type of thing from Creative Loafing or The Sunday Paper, but this resides on AB-frickin-C's website. This particular piece is about the torch relay. Quote:

"If people are looking for another reason to be pissed at China, how about this: By the time this pyro parade is over, it will have produced about 11 million pounds of carbon emissions."

I'm a little bit at a loss over this one. The stupid is so very large and protracted it's difficult to get my arms around it. I could build an analytical rebuttal to the piece, beginning with the idea that it's not China's fault there's going to be Olympics. I could then follow on with......oh what the hell. I give up. I keep waiting form someone with some authority and authenticity to throw an absurdity flag on the play, which is my mistake. Dick Proenneke sounds smarter all the time.

Ares

Cheese

Mrs. Ares asked me today when we should receive our forthcoming check from Uncle Sugar. The question got me to thinking. The last time the economy was this grab-your-ankles bad was early in Regan's first term. For reasons that seem a bit fuzzy now, it was decided then that the world would somehow be better if everyone got a big block of cheese. I was much too young to lock in on the details, so someone older than myself please explain the thought behind the mass distribution of a dairy product. I do remember it was pretty harsh stuff, having the consistency of bathroom tile caulk that had set. This ignited an entire generation of 'government cheese' jokes. By the way, I figured out what they did with all the leftover cheese that didn't get handed out. Like some dietary Nick at Night episode, you can still encounter it if you tear open the right MREs. Millions of starving people world wide are reliving the 80's with their GI systems as we speak.

Say what you want, something has gotten better if we went from cheese to cash in a generation. Mind you, it's our cash and they're just giving it to us in IOU form, but at least we'll have more to show for it than constipation. I intend to confound the government and place it into savings. I'll call it a down payment on the Social Security I'll never get.

Ares

Elsewhere

Have you ever realized with a start that the previous 30 (or 60, or 90) days have passed you by and the details have dissolved? Just sort of an indistinct blur of work, couch, showers, and driving. This is happening with greater regularity with the progression of age.

The biggest marker I can dredge up to highlight the past month is running the now annual ING (Half) Marathon. Over all it was much, much better than last year. Cooler temperatures, more water, better course, and at 2 hours 18 minutes a much better time on my part. I finished strong, sprinting the last 300 or so yards. Aside from this it's been a slog of work and whatnot. On a brighter note, I've discovered a few good local blogs that are worth checking out.

The DeKalb Officers Blog is a little slice of Schadenfreude, courtesy of the imploding DeKalb County Police Department. Its a narrow view of the overall slow-motion self-destruction of DeKalb County.

Live Apartment Fire is a much needed critique of local media in this clown college of a media market.

And finally, Georgia On My Mind is a bit of a catchall. There's a section with Lawyers and whatnot for Athena.

That is all, go forth and think great thoughts.

Ares

Enthroned

This is just too big to not comment upon. Seems a women spent two years sitting on her boyfriend's toilet. So many things wrong here it's hard to know where to start. I'll just voice the larger issues before moving along. First, did the boyfriend not need the toilet for those 2 years? I bet all the grass in his back yard is dead. Second, and I ask the rhetorically, what's your girlfriend-on-the-toilet time threshold for wondering if there's a problem? Third, don't tell me it didn't start to smell after a while. Fourth, was he bringing her food? If so see Question #2. Fifth, how did her legs not atrophy and die? Sixth, isn't calling a woman whose only tie to you is occupying your toilet your girlfriend stretching the label a bit? I could make a day out of this but I'll stop with number 7: Isn't every dump she takes for the rest of her life going to be anticlimactic? We'll just file this one in the "Never saw that one coming" folder. Wow.

Ares

Narc'd

Whilst trapped at the Secure Undisclosed Location over the weekend I gave in and perused the Atlanta Urinal-Constipation over the web, where I came across this story. Now I’m taking the angle of the article with a grain of salt, because the AJC could screw up an obituary. But the overall premise rankles the ever-loving snot out of me. Mr. Head Fed is clucking about his success with narcotics enforcement in the metro area, saying the result has been higher prices for smack and nose candy. This means the addicts have to resort to more crime to support their habit. Head Fed says his group’s work is why crime is up in Atlanta. I’m going to ask a basic question and hell is going to freeze over while I wait for an answer: How are we better off as a city with these results? The first rule of police work, everywhere on the planet, is to protect lives and property. Both are being squandered at a higher rate as a result of the federal fixation with stamping out narcotics. Cui bono? I think we can safely say it isn’t us.

Ares

In Praise of Stupid

A passing thought took hold in my tiny little melon today. I was gnawing on some lunch, thinking about the idiots that I encounter throughout my workday. I don’t know why it took so long for this to occur to me, but idiots keep me in clover. They’re the reason I can pay my bills and eat. They’re the reason I can take excellent vacations to exotic points throughout this great land. They’re the reason I can buy the good beer and not that foul Budweiser swill. So next time, before I start to get kinked out of shape about the latest functional retard to clog my day I need to pause, take a deep breath, and thank them for all of the cool stuff I can afford. On some level I’m probably victimizing them. The good news is they’re too stupid to know. (If you haven’t seen Idiocracy you truly need to. I think Mike Judge has transitioned from humorist to futurist.)

By the way, this applies doubly for Athena. She’d still be bagging granola if it weren’t for stupid people.

Ares

Athena here: Those of you (all 2 of our readers) who remember my early days in the practice of law will remember D., the attorney I worked for. One afternoon, as we rode back from some godforsaken part of this state, discussing the various idiots we dealt with that day, I remarked "I love this job, except for the morons!" And D., in his special way, replied "I hate to break it to you, but you wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for the morons." True that.

And granola never kept me awake nights pondering strategy.

Athena

A Little Dream Team

This entire web space is pretty much predicated on the concept that I have what you might call “too much free time in the head”. Today’s evidence of that was the mental exercise I engaged in while trying grind through a few miles on the treadmill. I think it’s pretty safe to say Obama currently holds the best shot at being the next president. The day after Election Day he would have to get down to the business of choosing Cabinet Secretaries. What follows is the mental exercise that started about mile 4 on today’s run. (Who else spends mental energy in this manner? Damn I’m damaged.)

Secretary of State: Tom Barnett. Read both of his books and see if you don’t agree. He’s a damned smart guy that isn’t just an academic hack. Generations of academic flunkies and political lap dogs are part of the reason for our current mess. He would need latitude to do some fumigation-style house cleaning at Foggy Bottom.

Secretary of the Treasury: Alan Greenspan. Smartest financial guy in any room. N’uff said.

Secretary of Defense: Nobody obvious jumps out, but John McCain wouldn’t be a bad choice. He would have street cred with the uniforms and he’s been known to bust defense contractor balls, something we need a lot of.

Attorney General: Rudy Giuliani. Rudy spent the bulk of his professional life as a federal prosecutor, so he knows where all the knobs and levers are in that particular box. He’s tough but sensible and has demonstrated a past pragmatism with respect to the law.

Secretary of the Interior: Al Gore. It would be worth it just to make the tree-huggers shut the f*** up. And if Al’s too good to take the job then he needs to shut his ill-informed cake hole henceforth.

Secretary of Agriculture: Brian Schweitzer. I know, who’s that? He’s the current governor of Montana. He started his life in agriculture before entering politics. He’s got a degree in agronomy and served in the Agriculture Department under Clinton.

Secretary of Commerce: This is where the thought exercise took a turn sideways. The Commerce Secretary’s portfolio needs to be transferred to the Treasury Secretary and the commerce position needs to become Secretary of Technology. What is more vital to our society: “Fostering and promoting foreign and domestic commerce” or information technology? The free market pretty much takes care of that whole commerce thing, with the occasional smackdown from the Justice Department. I’m a bit more worried about FBI agents that don’t have e-mail addresses or case management software and ICE computers that can’t “talk” to Justice computers. Cyber policy and direction is a bastard child that only gets held when it cries. Furthermore, since there simply aren’t truly qualified people for that kind of position at that level I advocate drafting people. No, not terribly kidding here. Folks like the CTO’s for Amazon, Ebay, etc. are the kind of people we need. Offer them a nice, juicy package to take the job and if that doesn’t work draft them. For the first go around I would nominate Mike Bloomberg. Mike made his billions in an IT-related discipline, has experience running a large, complex organization, and doesn’t owe anybody a damned thing.

Secretary of Labor: Nobody jumps out, but I defy you to name two past holders of that post. Yea, me neither. If you can’t readily name it the post probably doesn’t effect too much.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Wouldn’t squabble about anybody that actually had a degree in something medical and wasn’t just a campaign booster.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: I’ll advocate for anyone that asks to see a master plan for rebuilding New Orleans and won’t just throw money at it. See above Secretary of Labor entry for actual relevance to your life.

Secretary of Transportation: Truly does not matter. Professionals do air traffic control and investigate plan crashes. Secretary just keeps the chair warm and poses for pictures.

Secretary of Energy: Bill Richardson. Bill had the job before and wasn’t too bad at it. (“Wasn’t too bad” during the Clinton administration means he didn’t get indicted or investigated.) This post is going to be a big player in the coming years and it needs to be someone that isn’t from an agriculture state (read: ethanol).

Secretary of Education: Bill Cosby. Bill actually has an Ed. D. and brings some power to the gig. He’s a great American story. He also doesn’t owe anybody a damned thing and doesn’t have a bit of trouble speaking truth to power. Think about it, you know it makes sense.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Max Cleland. Another self-made man. He was administrator of the VA under Carter, so he was present at the creation, so to speak.

Secretary of Homeland Security: Mike Chertoff. I know, he’s currently got the gig. That agency sorely needs some long-term continuity to pull its head out. He’s trying to do the right thing in an environment where the right thing gets redefined on a daily basis. Besides, he’s pretty realistic about risk and resource allocation.

Mystery Dates:

UN Ambassador: Arnold Schwarzenegger. No, I’m not kidding on this one. He’s got worldwide recognition and star power. So what if he comes across as a political lightweight, so does the United Nations. The UN is really little more than political theater, so why not send an actor?

Postmaster General: Donald Trump. Because if there is one agency that needs to hear “You’re fired!” a lot it’s the f****** postal service.

Ambassador to Saudi Arabia: Cynthia McKinney. Take that, jihadi bastard. It solves a couple of problems, the first of which is getting her out of the country. She makes a good bargaining chip. “Lower the price of oil or we’ll build her a house over there.” Also, she’d have lots to discuss with them when it comes to that whole “Jewish World Domination” conspiracy crap.

Poet Laureate: Henry Rollins. I can dream, can’t I? He’s the only “poet” that manly men read. We’d just have to make sure they keep Solipsist out of the hands of teenagers.

Head Speech Writer for the President: Aaron Sorkin. N’uff said.

Wow, if you’ve read this far you’ve truly got nothing better to do. Or you’re on the clock and trying to look busy. Any further suggestions are welcome. I hope you’ve found this waste of your time both informative and non-annoying.

Ares

The Rise Of Jihad Cindy's Decline

The main stream media has been remiss in its election coverage. It seems Jihad Cindy McKinney isn’t doing so hot in her bid for the presidency. The Green Party primary, held in a phone booth just down the street from the Marine Corps recruiting station in Berkeley, took place earlier this week. Last week, unbeknownst to anyone who’s seen daylight this winter, Ralph Nader gave an interview to Guns & Ammo or Tofu Monthly where he indicated he might consider thinking about pondering another run for president. And when we say run we mean that in the most euphemistic terms possible, Nader is the three-toed sloth of presidential politics. Apparently this was enough for all 9 Green Party members to light candles and hold a consciousness-raising session at the community garden. By a margin of 2 to 1, with Ralph getting 2 votes and Cynthia getting 1 vote, the Greens have decided to wait for Ralph. Guess there wasn’t too much in the way of rhetorical-induced endorphins generated by Jihad Cindy. Welcome to our former DeKalb County world, Green Party members.

Seriously, look at that mug & tell me she’s not crazy.

Ares

And Not So Smart Kids...

So, not to stick my junk into the gears of retardation that is the Berkeley City Council dust up, but a little thought ran across my tiny cabesa when I saw this picture (Courtesy of the San Francisco Gate). For those of you coming to this wine and cheese party late, the Berkeley City Council has been attempting to oust a Marine Corps recruiting station in Berkeley. (Dude, you should have picked on the Air Force. Marines don't surrender.) People are shocked, shocked I tell you, to hear that Berkeley is doing something that might be considered anti-war/government/Bush/indoor plumbing. Whatever. Holster your indignation for crap that means something. My point is this: What do you see in this picture? (Or any of the rest of these?) I see self-appointed guardians of the truth blocking the free movement and association of citizens. Remind you of anything else? Like maybe those a******* that block access to abortion clinics? Same animal wearing a different saddle.

Ares

Smartest. Kid. Ever.

Last evening Mrs. Ares and I were perusing the stacks at the local Barnes & Noble. I was trolling the magazine racks when I noticed two little girls, about 7 or 8, also in orbit. They were looking for kids magazines, and the shorter of the two was one of those frighteningly smart kids. The taller youngster would occasionally pick up a magazine, which would be followed by the shorter one giving a brief synopsis of it's contents and subject matter. After a minute or two of this, the taller one picked up this week's edition of The Economist. The shorter, and much smarter, one said matter of factly: "Oh, you wouldn't like that one. It's like Time for adults." And a little tear formed in the corner of my eye. Whoever her parents are, I offer a hearty "Job Well Done!".

Ares

Thanks, D

I had a unique experience this past Wednesday. I was present for the passing of an old man. What made this 84 year old unique was that he walked out of a concentration camp over 60 years ago. It’s hard for that to not affect you profoundly, when you look at blank eyes that saw more than you could possibly comprehend. It would be easy to be sad and mourn his passing, but I don’t think that’s the right tack. D, as I’ll call him, probably viewed his survival as nothing less than a miracle. And when you get a real one you don’t waste it. After that experience there’s nothing in life worth fearing. It’s hard to be sad about a 60 year long miracle. To pass quietly and instantly in your own home, three generations after meeting the devil himself, is one hell of a thing.

So I’ll repeat the question in this space that I’ve been asking myself since and I posed to Athena that day: What the f*** do you have to complain about and what, exactly, is it you’re scared of?

La Chaim, D. Thanks for the lesson.

Ares

Bye Bye Dennis

Sad news to report here at A & A. Seems Dennis “Tin Foil Burka” Kucinich has dropped out of the presidential race. Common reaction from attentive citizens of the body politic was along the lines of “He was running for President?” Howls of anguish emanating from the People’s Republic of Decatur were heard throughout the southeastern United States. There was brief talk of a candle-light vigil being held on the square in Decatur, but concerns over carbon footprint and having enough parking spaces for all those Priuses nixed the event. Grief counselors will be on hand at most area restaurants and businesses throughout the weekend. City of Decatur government offices will be closed for a week and flags will be flown at half staff. A group therapy session will be held at Decatur United Methodist Church Saturday at 6 pm. Organic gluten-free Tofurkey will be served.

Damn. Now Dennis will have to get a real job, just like the rest of us. Don’t worry pal, as soon as we form that Department of Peace you’ll be back in clover.

Ares