Battle of the Hot Dogs

It's hard for me not to love Drew Carey. Not only is he a pop culture anti-hero, with his less-than-slim waistline and coke bottle glasses, but he's also a pretty smart guy. Of late he's taken up the cause of combating stupidity via video spots on reason.tv. He tends to ask some pretty basic questions that are difficult to answer without retreating to sound-bite banalities. One of the best thus far is his latest, which is about a street cart hot dog vendor in Los Angeles that got busted for selling bacon wrapped hot dogs. (And got 45 days in jail. Holy nitrates, Batman!) Drew seems like a natural spokesman for bacon wrapped hot dogs.

Ya know, I'm just spitballin here, but if the Libertarians were serious about fronting a candidate with some distance they'd draft Drew. My friend R is constantly lamenting the perpetual flaccidness of the Libertarian Party. He's got strong recognition and comes across as a regular guy. Best of all, he's got nothing to lose. For those who laugh at the idea I would direct you to the Reagan Presidential Library to review the works of Governor Schwarzenegger.

Ares

Take My Wives, Please

With apologies to Henny Youngman. How could I not tickle the comedy gold that is the Texas Polygamist Sect? So much to hit here, so few metaphors. Let's just start with the ladies.

They've got a whole Anne of Amish Green Gables thing going there. Its like some strange gaggle of bible-thumping Squeaky Frommes. What part of Leviticus contains the passage "Thou shalt have a bouffant hairdoo, lest ye be transmitted to the gates of hell"?

Moving right along, I love the church that looks like it belongs on a Pitch-n-Putt course between the windmill and the dinosaur.

I think that ramp you see on the right is actually where the ball comes out when you hit it in the back door of the building.

Why is it you never hear of a polygamist group where women have more than one husband? This entire state of affairs is begging to be made into a reality television show. If we can have reality shows about wife swapping and crab fishing why not this? Because if there is one kind of reality show Americans love, it's the kind where we're yelling "What the f*** is wrong with you people!" by the end of the first episode. On a more serious note, you have to give some credit to both sides on this issue. Thus far everyone is going about this methodically and peacefully, unlike another Texas polygamist that burned his people to ash 15 years ago today.

Ares

Really?

Hate to be a self-appointed hall monitor on this whole "climate change" thing, but I've got a bulletin fresh from the What The F*** Files. I'd expect this type of thing from Creative Loafing or The Sunday Paper, but this resides on AB-frickin-C's website. This particular piece is about the torch relay. Quote:

"If people are looking for another reason to be pissed at China, how about this: By the time this pyro parade is over, it will have produced about 11 million pounds of carbon emissions."

I'm a little bit at a loss over this one. The stupid is so very large and protracted it's difficult to get my arms around it. I could build an analytical rebuttal to the piece, beginning with the idea that it's not China's fault there's going to be Olympics. I could then follow on with......oh what the hell. I give up. I keep waiting form someone with some authority and authenticity to throw an absurdity flag on the play, which is my mistake. Dick Proenneke sounds smarter all the time.

Ares

Cheese

Mrs. Ares asked me today when we should receive our forthcoming check from Uncle Sugar. The question got me to thinking. The last time the economy was this grab-your-ankles bad was early in Regan's first term. For reasons that seem a bit fuzzy now, it was decided then that the world would somehow be better if everyone got a big block of cheese. I was much too young to lock in on the details, so someone older than myself please explain the thought behind the mass distribution of a dairy product. I do remember it was pretty harsh stuff, having the consistency of bathroom tile caulk that had set. This ignited an entire generation of 'government cheese' jokes. By the way, I figured out what they did with all the leftover cheese that didn't get handed out. Like some dietary Nick at Night episode, you can still encounter it if you tear open the right MREs. Millions of starving people world wide are reliving the 80's with their GI systems as we speak.

Say what you want, something has gotten better if we went from cheese to cash in a generation. Mind you, it's our cash and they're just giving it to us in IOU form, but at least we'll have more to show for it than constipation. I intend to confound the government and place it into savings. I'll call it a down payment on the Social Security I'll never get.

Ares

Elsewhere

Have you ever realized with a start that the previous 30 (or 60, or 90) days have passed you by and the details have dissolved? Just sort of an indistinct blur of work, couch, showers, and driving. This is happening with greater regularity with the progression of age.

The biggest marker I can dredge up to highlight the past month is running the now annual ING (Half) Marathon. Over all it was much, much better than last year. Cooler temperatures, more water, better course, and at 2 hours 18 minutes a much better time on my part. I finished strong, sprinting the last 300 or so yards. Aside from this it's been a slog of work and whatnot. On a brighter note, I've discovered a few good local blogs that are worth checking out.

The DeKalb Officers Blog is a little slice of Schadenfreude, courtesy of the imploding DeKalb County Police Department. Its a narrow view of the overall slow-motion self-destruction of DeKalb County.

Live Apartment Fire is a much needed critique of local media in this clown college of a media market.

And finally, Georgia On My Mind is a bit of a catchall. There's a section with Lawyers and whatnot for Athena.

That is all, go forth and think great thoughts.

Ares

Enthroned

This is just too big to not comment upon. Seems a women spent two years sitting on her boyfriend's toilet. So many things wrong here it's hard to know where to start. I'll just voice the larger issues before moving along. First, did the boyfriend not need the toilet for those 2 years? I bet all the grass in his back yard is dead. Second, and I ask the rhetorically, what's your girlfriend-on-the-toilet time threshold for wondering if there's a problem? Third, don't tell me it didn't start to smell after a while. Fourth, was he bringing her food? If so see Question #2. Fifth, how did her legs not atrophy and die? Sixth, isn't calling a woman whose only tie to you is occupying your toilet your girlfriend stretching the label a bit? I could make a day out of this but I'll stop with number 7: Isn't every dump she takes for the rest of her life going to be anticlimactic? We'll just file this one in the "Never saw that one coming" folder. Wow.

Ares

Narc'd

Whilst trapped at the Secure Undisclosed Location over the weekend I gave in and perused the Atlanta Urinal-Constipation over the web, where I came across this story. Now I’m taking the angle of the article with a grain of salt, because the AJC could screw up an obituary. But the overall premise rankles the ever-loving snot out of me. Mr. Head Fed is clucking about his success with narcotics enforcement in the metro area, saying the result has been higher prices for smack and nose candy. This means the addicts have to resort to more crime to support their habit. Head Fed says his group’s work is why crime is up in Atlanta. I’m going to ask a basic question and hell is going to freeze over while I wait for an answer: How are we better off as a city with these results? The first rule of police work, everywhere on the planet, is to protect lives and property. Both are being squandered at a higher rate as a result of the federal fixation with stamping out narcotics. Cui bono? I think we can safely say it isn’t us.

Ares

In Praise of Stupid

A passing thought took hold in my tiny little melon today. I was gnawing on some lunch, thinking about the idiots that I encounter throughout my workday. I don’t know why it took so long for this to occur to me, but idiots keep me in clover. They’re the reason I can pay my bills and eat. They’re the reason I can take excellent vacations to exotic points throughout this great land. They’re the reason I can buy the good beer and not that foul Budweiser swill. So next time, before I start to get kinked out of shape about the latest functional retard to clog my day I need to pause, take a deep breath, and thank them for all of the cool stuff I can afford. On some level I’m probably victimizing them. The good news is they’re too stupid to know. (If you haven’t seen Idiocracy you truly need to. I think Mike Judge has transitioned from humorist to futurist.)

By the way, this applies doubly for Athena. She’d still be bagging granola if it weren’t for stupid people.

Ares

Athena here: Those of you (all 2 of our readers) who remember my early days in the practice of law will remember D., the attorney I worked for. One afternoon, as we rode back from some godforsaken part of this state, discussing the various idiots we dealt with that day, I remarked "I love this job, except for the morons!" And D., in his special way, replied "I hate to break it to you, but you wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for the morons." True that.

And granola never kept me awake nights pondering strategy.

Athena

A Little Dream Team

This entire web space is pretty much predicated on the concept that I have what you might call “too much free time in the head”. Today’s evidence of that was the mental exercise I engaged in while trying grind through a few miles on the treadmill. I think it’s pretty safe to say Obama currently holds the best shot at being the next president. The day after Election Day he would have to get down to the business of choosing Cabinet Secretaries. What follows is the mental exercise that started about mile 4 on today’s run. (Who else spends mental energy in this manner? Damn I’m damaged.)

Secretary of State: Tom Barnett. Read both of his books and see if you don’t agree. He’s a damned smart guy that isn’t just an academic hack. Generations of academic flunkies and political lap dogs are part of the reason for our current mess. He would need latitude to do some fumigation-style house cleaning at Foggy Bottom.

Secretary of the Treasury: Alan Greenspan. Smartest financial guy in any room. N’uff said.

Secretary of Defense: Nobody obvious jumps out, but John McCain wouldn’t be a bad choice. He would have street cred with the uniforms and he’s been known to bust defense contractor balls, something we need a lot of.

Attorney General: Rudy Giuliani. Rudy spent the bulk of his professional life as a federal prosecutor, so he knows where all the knobs and levers are in that particular box. He’s tough but sensible and has demonstrated a past pragmatism with respect to the law.

Secretary of the Interior: Al Gore. It would be worth it just to make the tree-huggers shut the f*** up. And if Al’s too good to take the job then he needs to shut his ill-informed cake hole henceforth.

Secretary of Agriculture: Brian Schweitzer. I know, who’s that? He’s the current governor of Montana. He started his life in agriculture before entering politics. He’s got a degree in agronomy and served in the Agriculture Department under Clinton.

Secretary of Commerce: This is where the thought exercise took a turn sideways. The Commerce Secretary’s portfolio needs to be transferred to the Treasury Secretary and the commerce position needs to become Secretary of Technology. What is more vital to our society: “Fostering and promoting foreign and domestic commerce” or information technology? The free market pretty much takes care of that whole commerce thing, with the occasional smackdown from the Justice Department. I’m a bit more worried about FBI agents that don’t have e-mail addresses or case management software and ICE computers that can’t “talk” to Justice computers. Cyber policy and direction is a bastard child that only gets held when it cries. Furthermore, since there simply aren’t truly qualified people for that kind of position at that level I advocate drafting people. No, not terribly kidding here. Folks like the CTO’s for Amazon, Ebay, etc. are the kind of people we need. Offer them a nice, juicy package to take the job and if that doesn’t work draft them. For the first go around I would nominate Mike Bloomberg. Mike made his billions in an IT-related discipline, has experience running a large, complex organization, and doesn’t owe anybody a damned thing.

Secretary of Labor: Nobody jumps out, but I defy you to name two past holders of that post. Yea, me neither. If you can’t readily name it the post probably doesn’t effect too much.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Wouldn’t squabble about anybody that actually had a degree in something medical and wasn’t just a campaign booster.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: I’ll advocate for anyone that asks to see a master plan for rebuilding New Orleans and won’t just throw money at it. See above Secretary of Labor entry for actual relevance to your life.

Secretary of Transportation: Truly does not matter. Professionals do air traffic control and investigate plan crashes. Secretary just keeps the chair warm and poses for pictures.

Secretary of Energy: Bill Richardson. Bill had the job before and wasn’t too bad at it. (“Wasn’t too bad” during the Clinton administration means he didn’t get indicted or investigated.) This post is going to be a big player in the coming years and it needs to be someone that isn’t from an agriculture state (read: ethanol).

Secretary of Education: Bill Cosby. Bill actually has an Ed. D. and brings some power to the gig. He’s a great American story. He also doesn’t owe anybody a damned thing and doesn’t have a bit of trouble speaking truth to power. Think about it, you know it makes sense.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Max Cleland. Another self-made man. He was administrator of the VA under Carter, so he was present at the creation, so to speak.

Secretary of Homeland Security: Mike Chertoff. I know, he’s currently got the gig. That agency sorely needs some long-term continuity to pull its head out. He’s trying to do the right thing in an environment where the right thing gets redefined on a daily basis. Besides, he’s pretty realistic about risk and resource allocation.

Mystery Dates:

UN Ambassador: Arnold Schwarzenegger. No, I’m not kidding on this one. He’s got worldwide recognition and star power. So what if he comes across as a political lightweight, so does the United Nations. The UN is really little more than political theater, so why not send an actor?

Postmaster General: Donald Trump. Because if there is one agency that needs to hear “You’re fired!” a lot it’s the f****** postal service.

Ambassador to Saudi Arabia: Cynthia McKinney. Take that, jihadi bastard. It solves a couple of problems, the first of which is getting her out of the country. She makes a good bargaining chip. “Lower the price of oil or we’ll build her a house over there.” Also, she’d have lots to discuss with them when it comes to that whole “Jewish World Domination” conspiracy crap.

Poet Laureate: Henry Rollins. I can dream, can’t I? He’s the only “poet” that manly men read. We’d just have to make sure they keep Solipsist out of the hands of teenagers.

Head Speech Writer for the President: Aaron Sorkin. N’uff said.

Wow, if you’ve read this far you’ve truly got nothing better to do. Or you’re on the clock and trying to look busy. Any further suggestions are welcome. I hope you’ve found this waste of your time both informative and non-annoying.

Ares

The Rise Of Jihad Cindy's Decline

The main stream media has been remiss in its election coverage. It seems Jihad Cindy McKinney isn’t doing so hot in her bid for the presidency. The Green Party primary, held in a phone booth just down the street from the Marine Corps recruiting station in Berkeley, took place earlier this week. Last week, unbeknownst to anyone who’s seen daylight this winter, Ralph Nader gave an interview to Guns & Ammo or Tofu Monthly where he indicated he might consider thinking about pondering another run for president. And when we say run we mean that in the most euphemistic terms possible, Nader is the three-toed sloth of presidential politics. Apparently this was enough for all 9 Green Party members to light candles and hold a consciousness-raising session at the community garden. By a margin of 2 to 1, with Ralph getting 2 votes and Cynthia getting 1 vote, the Greens have decided to wait for Ralph. Guess there wasn’t too much in the way of rhetorical-induced endorphins generated by Jihad Cindy. Welcome to our former DeKalb County world, Green Party members.

Seriously, look at that mug & tell me she’s not crazy.

Ares

And Not So Smart Kids...

So, not to stick my junk into the gears of retardation that is the Berkeley City Council dust up, but a little thought ran across my tiny cabesa when I saw this picture (Courtesy of the San Francisco Gate). For those of you coming to this wine and cheese party late, the Berkeley City Council has been attempting to oust a Marine Corps recruiting station in Berkeley. (Dude, you should have picked on the Air Force. Marines don't surrender.) People are shocked, shocked I tell you, to hear that Berkeley is doing something that might be considered anti-war/government/Bush/indoor plumbing. Whatever. Holster your indignation for crap that means something. My point is this: What do you see in this picture? (Or any of the rest of these?) I see self-appointed guardians of the truth blocking the free movement and association of citizens. Remind you of anything else? Like maybe those a******* that block access to abortion clinics? Same animal wearing a different saddle.

Ares

Smartest. Kid. Ever.

Last evening Mrs. Ares and I were perusing the stacks at the local Barnes & Noble. I was trolling the magazine racks when I noticed two little girls, about 7 or 8, also in orbit. They were looking for kids magazines, and the shorter of the two was one of those frighteningly smart kids. The taller youngster would occasionally pick up a magazine, which would be followed by the shorter one giving a brief synopsis of it's contents and subject matter. After a minute or two of this, the taller one picked up this week's edition of The Economist. The shorter, and much smarter, one said matter of factly: "Oh, you wouldn't like that one. It's like Time for adults." And a little tear formed in the corner of my eye. Whoever her parents are, I offer a hearty "Job Well Done!".

Ares

Thanks, D

I had a unique experience this past Wednesday. I was present for the passing of an old man. What made this 84 year old unique was that he walked out of a concentration camp over 60 years ago. It’s hard for that to not affect you profoundly, when you look at blank eyes that saw more than you could possibly comprehend. It would be easy to be sad and mourn his passing, but I don’t think that’s the right tack. D, as I’ll call him, probably viewed his survival as nothing less than a miracle. And when you get a real one you don’t waste it. After that experience there’s nothing in life worth fearing. It’s hard to be sad about a 60 year long miracle. To pass quietly and instantly in your own home, three generations after meeting the devil himself, is one hell of a thing.

So I’ll repeat the question in this space that I’ve been asking myself since and I posed to Athena that day: What the f*** do you have to complain about and what, exactly, is it you’re scared of?

La Chaim, D. Thanks for the lesson.

Ares

Bye Bye Dennis

Sad news to report here at A & A. Seems Dennis “Tin Foil Burka” Kucinich has dropped out of the presidential race. Common reaction from attentive citizens of the body politic was along the lines of “He was running for President?” Howls of anguish emanating from the People’s Republic of Decatur were heard throughout the southeastern United States. There was brief talk of a candle-light vigil being held on the square in Decatur, but concerns over carbon footprint and having enough parking spaces for all those Priuses nixed the event. Grief counselors will be on hand at most area restaurants and businesses throughout the weekend. City of Decatur government offices will be closed for a week and flags will be flown at half staff. A group therapy session will be held at Decatur United Methodist Church Saturday at 6 pm. Organic gluten-free Tofurkey will be served.

Damn. Now Dennis will have to get a real job, just like the rest of us. Don’t worry pal, as soon as we form that Department of Peace you’ll be back in clover.

Ares

Read This and That

I started a little experiment in January of 2007. I decided to keep track of the books I read throughout the year. Didn’t do it for bragging rights or anything, just to track where my tastes took me and exactly how much I read. So it goes as follows:

The Call of the Wild and White Fang by Jack London. Finally got around to reading that high school American Lit required reading. Not too bad, but for my money The Sea Wolf is much better.

The Man in the High Castle by Phillip Dick. Interesting exercise in alternative history. For a more thorough shakedown reference this post.

Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk. “People who would never throw litter from their car will drive past you with their radio blaring. People who’d never blow cigar smoke at you in a crowded restaurant will bellow into their cell phone. They’ll shout at each other across the space of a dinner plate…….You turn up your music to hide the noise. Other people turn up their music to hide yours. You turn yours up again. Everyone buys a bigger stereo system. This is the arms race of sound. You don’t win with a lot of treble.” This was actually my second read through of what is probably my favorite book by my favorite author. Not for the faint of heart, but Chuck never is.

The Edge of Disaster by Stephen Flynn. Decent look into the sorry, decrepit state of critical infrastructure in this country. A little “We’re all gonna die!”, but not too bad.

The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells. Another attempt to cross a ‘classic’ of my mental list. I think the movie was actually better.

Global Brain by Howard Bloom. A little thick and chunky but truly excellent. Again, reference this post.

The Long Tail by Chris Anderson. Concise and to the point. A good explanation of the new market dynamics at work in our world. Previous post here.

The One Percent Doctrine by Ron Suskind. Really good, if a bit over the top at times. I almost have to believe some of the dialogue he’s quoting in the book is embellished, it feels a little too slick at times. Also a few factual flubs that don’t take away from the overall work. Worth the time.

Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank. Cold war doomsday that depressed the shit out of me. On the Beach without the beach, only some of the people live. Recommended by Mrs. Ares. Not a bad read, but heavy like a cancer screening.

To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway. Flaming piece of shit. If this had been his first it would have been his last. With this one he fell pretty far from A Moveable Feast and The Sun Also Rises. I wanted my time back when I finished this one.

Rant by Chuck Palahniuk. You’d be hard-pressed to get me to say something negative about Chuck’s work. Sort of Invisible Monsters-like in the gross out factor. He’s a modern master of labeling and texturing the hidden in plain sight aspects of our society. Hemingway for Generation X.

Brave New War by John Robb. Excellent primer on the migration of 4^th Generation Warfare onto the next battlefield and its meld into 5^th Generation Warfare. Must read for anyone attempting to understand the realities on the ground in the War on Terror.

Leadership: The Warrior’s Art edited by Christopher Kolenda. Good collection of leadership essays written mostly by current or prior army brass. As with most leadership books, there are little bits to be harvested here and there.

Terror at Beslan by John Giduck. One of the best accounts yet constructed of the school siege in Russia in 2004. Gives quite a bit of back story about prior attacks that never got much play over here. If America had endured what the Russians had by the fall of 2004 we’d be coming apart at the seams. As I’ve written earlier, this book is real heart of darkness stuff. Incredible and I mean that in the worst possible way. Plan on having nightmares if you pick this one up.

The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. Like trying to eat a filet mignon the size of a sofa. Both excellent and dense at times, though the latter was a result of Taleb not low-browing it. His pitching was a bit above my swing, but I fouled off most of it. At some point I’m going to reread it so I can soak in more. Good material though. For the After School Special version you can watch his presentation at PopTech! here.

Boots on the Ground by Karl Zinsmeister. Quick read by a reporter that was embedded with the 82^nd Airborne during the march up to Baghdad in 2003. Passed along by a coworker who was in the unit. It’s a bit brief and shallow, with an obvious prejudice towards the soldiers he was with. Not that I have the tiniest problem with that, but that’s my own personal bias riding along.

On the Wild Edge by David Peterson. Well written piece by a guy that went off the grid without going around the bend. Good nature writing, he needs to write more.

Make Love* The Bruce Campbell Way by Bruce Campbell. Funny self-deprecating near fiction by Cheese Theater’s leading man. Gotta love any guy that doesn’t take himself too seriously.

Microbrewed Adventures by Charlie Papazian. Beer around the world from the godfather of home brewing. Made me really, really thirsty.

Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell. Excellent, tough read. Part autobiography, part homage to his team mates. If you don’t choke up a few times during this you don’t have a pulse.

Removing Managerial Barriers to Effective Leadership by Norm Stamper. Read it mainly for work, plus a title that I fell in love with. I dare you to try and find a copy of this in the wild.

The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan. Great, stellar, well-done work about the Dust Bowl. Shows how the “Greatest Generation” got its start in low-grade hell. Very much worth the time and the National Book Award that it received.

The Looming Tower by Lawrence Wright. Excellent read. For more on the book slide over to this post. Very deserving of the Pulitzer it received.

Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute. Thin little read about ‘getting it’ leadership. Would probably be lost on leaders that don’t think anything is ever wrong or other people are always the problem.

U-Turn by Bruce Grierson. Very interesting collection of stories about people that woke up mid-life and called a “Do Over”. Gets a bit introspective and navel-gazing at times, but it doesn’t hurt the journey. Very worth the time.

Unconquerable Nation by Brian Jenkins. Jenkins is one of the smartest guys in the room when it comes to terrorism. Pay attention to what he has to say. Also has the distinction of being the rare academic that has seen combat. Good temperature taking of the War on Terror. Bonus: Free on the internet.

No True Glory by Bing West. Excellent look into the problem that was Falluja. Starting with the murder of 4 U.S. contractors in April of 2004 and culminating with the retaking of the city by Marines in November of that year. West scales up and down effortlessly; from the macro political to the micro combat. He also makes it hard not to love grunts.

Overblown by John Mueller. Academic dissection of the domestic consequences and play of the war on terror. It gets a bit long and dry at times, but there are some genuine sparklers to be found. Book doesn’t try to call bogus on the entire apparatus but tries to place it into context, something that is sorely needed.

The Power and the Glory by Graham Greene. Not bad, but I finished and wondered exactly what I was supposed to take away.

The Grid by Phillip Schewe. Fun look into the evolution of what’s been called the most complex thing ever created by man: Our national power grid.

We the Living by Ayn Rand. I promised myself another Rand when I gave up on The Fountainhead 2/3 of the way through. Rand was a talented story teller that desperately needed an editor. (Case in point: In Fountainhead I don’t need 5 pages of how great Ellsworth Toohey was as kid. I get the f****** point!) The book is a harsh indictment of the Russian revolution of 1917 and its aftermath. Being Rand, everyone dies and no one is happy.

Leadership and Training for the Fight by Paul Howe. Howe is a retired career soldier and former Delta member. I thought there might be some good work to mine, but it turned out to be largely a manual for first time NCOs.

Overall I was a little surprised at the final tally. Part of this was aided by taking over a month off work. Everybody should take at least a month away from work with the sole purpose of being a lazy bum. Those Europeans are on to something. Out of the above list I would strongly recommend Lone Survivor and The Worst Hard Time. If you’re any kind of reader it will be time well spent.

Ares

Rotting, Putrid, Fetid...........

Wow, this blog's as smelly as an Atlanta Port-O-Potty in August. Mea Culpa Maxima. A confluence of work, events, and lack of ambition pulled me to the bottom of a pit of inactivity. Actually, there are two good reasons for the empty space of late. First is that I didn't feel much like writing, and I'm not gonna ramble on just to fill space. The second is that I came across the blog of a coworker that is truly awful (whose link I'm not even going to torture you with). The Unnamed Idiot's complete lack of a filter or any sense at all made me more than a little self-conscious. After some review and reflection I can safely say I'm not that guy. (Sometimes in life it's good enough to simply not be "That Guy".)

Now that we've disposed of that little moment of insecurity I'll be moving on. More to follow soon. The above is a little bit of the rare white stuff that left its mark all over this godforsaken town yesterday. A little cold blanket of white to cover that pee smell for a few days.

Ares

Happy New Year!

and much love from A&A...

Athena

Short Diversion

Just a short drive-by here; wanted to drop a few links to make you think. First is a bit of a diversion from the usual fare. Gateway Pundit threw up a little composition last week about six bogus stories that have recently come out of Iraq. My purpose isn’t to drag that little tempest into this space but to call down even more fire upon my favorite slapping bag: Big Media. (Who happen to have positive approval ratings in the low to mid 20’s. Take a look at Congress’ numbers: 14%. Holy cow! Lower than HMO’s, and that’s saying something.) If CNN et al. were employees we’d have fired them long ago. Instead we’re just voting with the remote. Now I'm just waiting for them to realize no one's watching anymore.

The second is another excellent installment from the always switched on Michael Totten. The interesting thing about this particular piece isn’t its substance, but the backlash it’s generating. All Michael does for a living is go to a particular place and document what he sees to the best of his ability. (The difference being that he’s self-financed, beholden to no one, and isn’t filtered through an editor.) This documentation isn’t jiving too well with some folks, who are basically calling him a sellout and patsy for not saying things are a complete disaster. If you’ve read Michael for any length of time you’ll know that he’s nobody’s bitch when it comes to maintaining the party line.

That is all. Go forth and think for thyself.

Ares

A Little Dope

I had the distinct displeasure of recently donating a chunk of my life to a piece of crap in Rolling Stone entitled How America Lost the War on Drugs. I had high hopes for the piece, given the depth and breadth of the topic. It’s a ripe and nuanced subject that the author bludgeons his way through with blunt political indictments and stubby metaphors. In a topical landscape that cries out for reason and logic-based analysis we instead get Ben the finger pointing doomsayer.

The stupid f’ing position of pieces like this is that the “War on Drugs” is a finite, closed-ended thing. Let’s place it alongside the unreferenced War on Crime and War on Fire, shall we? Somebody’s house got robbed somewhere yesterday, therefore we’ve lost the War on Crime. A house burned down somewhere today; therefore we’ve lost the War on Fire. Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? No more stupid than invoking the name of every two-bit bandito hiding in a mountain cave or jungle hut and equating their continued existence to a complete failure of the entire system. The real battle here is climbing the mountain of human apathy and ignorance.

Here’s another little booger in the sterile salad bar of the article’s reasoning: Pablo Escobar had to be killed, basically executed outright, because he could not be brought to justice. If you don’t believe me read Killing Pablo by Mark Bowden. Pablo was the embodiment of the idea that not every devil will be prosecutable. Some people will just need to be killed, and they won’t always offer you the conscience alleviation of pointing a gun at you. (Don't think of it as assassination, think of it as Goodbye Earl on a geopolitical scale.) If you want to reduce it to a numbers comparison Pablo is probably responsible for more deaths than Osama bin Laden. Osama does it on television; Pablo did it in a cellar. Dead is still dead.

Further on the article trots our more of the same tired and thin “analysis”. The author talks about Gene Halislip, a “top ranking DEA administrator” that says we missed the magic moment when we could have shut down the meth epidemic before it even started. (According to the author meth used to be confined to biker gangs in northern California prior to becoming a national problem. He should have been in my summer school classroom in 1988 when the kids next to me were doing lines of it.) Apparently all problems in life boil down to retrospective moments where it all could have been prevented and someone is always to blame. In the author’s case it’s the Regan administration, which had the chance to outlaw ephedrine and didn’t. (Funny, I always thought Congress passed the laws in our system of government.) Nothing like being a few decades beyond a decision to render a nice, round, post hoc opinion about how stupid people were at the time.

Then we move on to that “most powerful country on Earth” reference. Because having a slew of nuclear weapons and putting humans on the moon is the same thing as finding a guy hiding in a South American jungle hut. That’s a lazy-assed pluck of a lowest common denominator metaphor. I’m calling a euphemism flag on that journalistic play.

We’ve got to get beyond this lazy fixation with defining moments. All human behavior is attached to a time line and will continue accordingly. Crime and the drug trade are only one aspect of that behavior. The supposition of articles like this is it’s possible to have a closed, neatly tied ending to all of this. With that underpinning you can attack any direction you see fit, and lob criticism into any set of coordinates that supports your thesis. I suppose if there is any fault to be found here it’s in my expectations. I was hoping for insight and thoughtful analysis from a magazine that is devoted to celebrity aggrandizement. Tiger Beat for adults that never quite outgrew the fascination with the beautiful people.

Ares

Baby Lothario

So, my lovely assistant D. and I trundled over to La Fonda Latina for some good chow on a day full of office politics and nonsense. I’m proud to say I got her hooked on their Seafood Paella, while I’m still partial to the Bocadillo Vegetariano. We park ourselves in the sun room, next to a woman with two small children: a boy, perhaps 3 years old, and a girl, about 18 months. The boy, though wandering a bit with his chips and queso, is quiet and well-behaved, a perfect angel with big blue eyes and blond hair.

After ordering, I visit the restroom, and when I return, D. tells me she has been “making friends.” No sooner have I regained my seat when I feel small hands encircle my elbow. A tiny intense face, covered in snot and queso, leans close. “And what is your name?” he asks quietly. “My name is Athena. What is your name?” “Gus” he whispers.

My brain is completely divided. One half is recoiling in horror at the snot and queso that is being deposited on my sweater and hand-woven scarf (Christine Stanton, for the fiber fanatics among you). The other half is completely smitten with this little Casanova. My dilemma is solved: his lunch arrives, and he takes his seat. Then our lunch arrives, and we jump into it. Throughout our dining experience, he stands on his chair periodically, quietly facing my back, and placing his hands on my shoulder blades, as though performing some toddler variation of Reiki.

We finish before the woman and children, and after we leave the restaurant I tell D. she needs to check my back for tiny snot-and-queso handprints. She informs me she cannot find any, which is a relief.

Later, back at the office, I tell C., another co-worker, about the Baby Lothario. As I tell the story, my left hand rests on my left hip, and I feel something. Dammit. Tiny snot-and-queso handprint.

Athena