How NOT To Do It

Man who threw feces in courtroom draws 31-year sentence for robbery.

Dude, you're doing it wrong.

The Department of The Obvious Checks In

CNN falls to last place in ratings for prime-time programs.

In other news, water is wet and the sky is blue.

Marmot Monday

Editor?

The Seattle Times has got to find a better headline writer. From today's web edition:

Huskies linebacker achieves his dream, now has torn ACL.

Who dreams of achieving a torn ACL?


Ares

Swine Flu

Marmot Monday

We're Baaack!

Ig-Noble Peace Prize

This best part of POTUS winning the Nobel Peace Prize isn't the award itself. It's the stream of commentary that can be harvested in it's wake. Cherry picked from Instapundit are the favorites thus far:

"How do you say 'jumped the shark' in Norwegian?"

From Richard Cohen of the WashPo: "At the same time, and amazingly enough, the Pulitzer Prize for Literature went to Sarah Palin for her stated intention “to read a book someday.”

More to follow on this developing un-story.

Ares

Working in Government

I am enjoying my current foray into working for the government. The daily brushes with absurdity and Rube Goldberg administrative processes are never ending entertainment. This week's installment was brought to us by the bench outside my office door. The other day we had a group of folks visiting the office. Most were what could generously be called big boned. At one point during the visit four of these endomorphs attempted to wedge themselves onto a bench that was built for two. With predictable results the bench collapsed, leaving one person slightly injured. As a result of this little incident it was decided that the benches are a hazard to persons of this body type and we will not be given a replacement. (Swear I'm not making this up.) I remedied the congnative dissonance by spending many hours watching the Violence Channel with my good friend Frito Pendejo.

Ares

A Question for Steve Jobs

As I'm sure we're all aware that there are algorithms that look at your shopping choices and try to present you with possible purchases up your alley. It is with that in mind that I pose this question to Apple: What in my long iTunes history metal and rock purchases make you think I'm down for some Camper Van Beethoven? Somebody check under the hood of Skynet.

Ares

Tyler Durden Tuesdays

There is a decent reason for the rot and neglect of this space over the past few months. I was engaged in a foreign pursuit: enjoying the hell out of life. Between the pursuit of happiness and the cacophony of stupid permeating the everything I thought it best to keep my trap shut in this space. Sure, there's been lots to comment upon. But I haven't managed more than a “boy, this sucks” conclusion of late, and you already knew it sucks. So for a little bit henceforth I'm gonna throw effort at the silly.

Ares