Best....Quote.........Ever

"I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with."

Denis Leary

War Porn

Just a slight digression for a Wednesday afternoon. Caught a piece of CNN over the weekend. (I really only flip through to see what they’re fixating on at a given moment. I’m not a viewer.) They were looping cell phone video of a gun battle between Iraqi forces and terrorists in Najaf. At least that’s what the banner told me. The video was one giant blur with people yelling in Arabic. For all we know it could have been 8 guys having a water balloon fight in the desert. Is CNN really that pathetic that they’ll just throw up any incoherent blur that can be associated with violence? I know, I answered my own question.

When we get to this point it feels an awful lot like war porn. Anything to feed the monster of ratings in order to portray strife, chaos, and disorder. The poor bastards at CNN know they’re competing against websites like YouTube and Consumption Junction for the snuff film audience. It’s a competition they know they’re going to lose. My prediction? At some point in the future CNN will introduce some sort of “prime” or “restricted” website where the can display all of their violence porn, hoping to get a piece of the game.

A Place to Call Their Own

Had a brief thought on the treadmill. We’ve entered a perpetual election cycle. Sports and politics have merged in one respect: They’re really more about entertainment than competition. That said, politics seems to clog an inordinate amount of time in our media. Professional sports realized a long time ago that it was easier to create your own venue than fight for airtime in the mainstream. ESPN was born. We need an ESPN for politics. Some little television/web/print home where all the political entertainers can run off and play their games, thereby freeing up valuable time and space in other venues to discuss real issues.

It could play out like the World Wrestling Federation/World Championship Wrestling ‘wars’ of the ‘90s. Jessie Ventura could get his old gig back as an announcer. Can’t you just see him standing there in a tux, doing a standup with Barack Obama.

Jessie: “What do you have to say to your opponent?

Barack: “We’re coming at those puny little Republicans. When they feel the power of our drug rehabilitation program they’re gonna quake in their boots and run home to momma! We’re gonna bleed their quorum and smash their filibuster! I’m telling you brother!”

Jessie: “That’s gotta hurt, Gene! Back to you in the booth.”

And so on, and so on. I think it should be a law that in all debates the participants will have to wear masks like Mexican wrestlers. Maybe it would even spawn a chain of political themed restaurants. They could serve endangered spotted owl to the red side of the restaurant and Tofurkey on the blue side. Republicans would pay for their meals on maxed out credit cards. Democrats would try to barter services for their dinners. This has enormous downrange potential.

Ares

The First Rule of Political Fight Club

Now this is interesting. It can be explained by one word: fear. This reeks of panic. Add this to the “revelation” within the last week that Obama attended a madrassa as a child and you can paint a picture of an opposition in panicked hysteria. Two years from Inauguration Day and folks are pulling out the nuclear option. By all accounts the madrassa piece is being traced back to Hillary’s campaign. The timing, less than a week after declaring, does smell a bit.

Interesting thing about the madrassa story, nobody is actually carrying the story anymore. (If Google can’t produce it the piece has gone under.) They’re all just talking about it, saying in effect that “other people have said”. This is what the news product profession does best. Take an unsourced hit piece that’s dropped in from obscurity and quickly retracted, and then work itself into a lather about the “story” instead of the original facts presented. News about the news. And a special Shame On You shout out goes to Sean Hannity, for leading off a piece on his website with the sentence “Are the American people ready for an elected president who was educated in a Madrassa as a young boy and has not been forthcoming about his Muslim heritage?” No Sean, we're ready for a world free of bloviating assholes that pander to people's fear.

Ares

Excitable Animals

I caught a few minutes of the Situation Room on CNN the other day, something I usually try to avoid. Is it just me or does Wolf Blitzer seem to be aroused by death, chaos, and mayhem? Granted, that stuff is the mother’s milk of the news product profession. But Wolf comes off as fixated to the point of fetish. And what’s with the ADHD wall of television feed? Does anybody, anywhere, ever feel more informed after a few minutes of that high-speed pass of talking heads? I’ve had this feeling since 9/11 that the news product profession has been trying to top itself. You can almost sense their professional depression that nothing on that scale has happened in over 5 years. Katrina was a widespread visual orgy of destruction. Problem is, they boned that one all the way through and keep quiet about it while hoping people forget how badly they handled it. I'm coining a new term to describe Wolf and is ilk: Professional Schadenfreudist.

Ares

Elephants Turning Tricks

In the interest of granting equal time I thought we could take a quick mosey through the right side of the isle. Again, WTF are these folks doing getting muddy this early in the game? This entire exercise feels completely asinine as Inauguration Day is two years away. I guess there’s advertising space that needs to be sold, so we’ll have this shoved in our faces 24/7 henceforth.

Rudy Guiliani. Gotta give some props to any guy that can unfu** New York City. For anybody that thinks he doesn’t have genuine leadership ability I have two contrasting words for you: Ray Nagin. Rudy’s biggest problem, aside from his ego, is going to be his own party. If memory serves he’s pro-choice and pro-gay marriage, two things the right flank of the party are going to whip him with. He’s gonna have some issues when he has to account for his personal life, but anymore that seems to be an admission criteria for entry into politics. Also, there’s that troubling baldness thing. Who was the last bald president we elected? Ike?

Newt Gingrich. Yea, much like Algore, that’s already been tried. Newt’s actually a pretty smart guy, but it’s not gonna matter when he gets to talking. His mouth seems to attain a velocity all its own when he gets going. If he’d learned the less-is-more philosophy a dozen years ago he might stand a chance. Probably the next best thing the Republicans have as far as shitstorm lightning rods go, behind the current POTUS and VPOTUS.

John McCain. It’s hard for me not to like John for personal reasons. He’s got honest to god steel in his spine that he paid for with his own blood. Also a bit of a centrist, which could end up being a blessing or a curse depending on how he views his own party. (Side Note: I’m still holding out hope for a concept I saw last fall: A McCain/Lieberman ticket. I think it would be f****** fabulous! Best thing to happen to presidential politics in a century.) Kinda crotchety though. Also, getting a head start on that Reaganesque falling asleep in meetings thing.

Mitt Romney. Any Republican that can get himself elected in Massachusetts bears looking at. We’ll have to wait and see if he can dance on the big stage without stepping on his junk. His own party’s going to flog the crap out of him over same sex marriage. He’s probably a political corpse that doesn’t know he’s dead.

George Pataki. Yawn.

Jim Gilmore. Who?

Sam Brownback. A little too much like our current president for his own good. Doesn’t mean he isn’t a decent guy, but he’s gonna get Bush fatigue in a big hurry. Probably gonna come down to delivery on his part. My gut tells me the body politic is tired of bible thumpers.

Mike Huckabee. Who?

Chuck Hagel Ha ha ha ha….ouch! Sorry, just fell out of my chair laughing.

Tom Tancredo. Threw that last one in just because Tom’s more a Libertarian than a Republican. It would be nice to see a serious challenger from that angle. If they’d just stop insisting the rest of us read Atlas Shrugged folks would be falling all over them.

This public service announcement was brought to you by Ares and Athena, LLC; Political consultants worldwide with offices in Juarez, Cairo, and Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

The Donkey Race

Just in case you were wondering who is in the arena thus far I’ve decided to offer an Ares-slanted analysis of the candidates that have declared. Kinda dumb to declare this early if you ask me, but it’s not my money.

Hillary Clinton. See previous post.

Barack Obama. By all appearances a pretty smart guy and one of the best orators to hit the scene in the past 20 years. Thus far he’s stayed away from bloody-edged partisanship, hope that lasts. As for actual skills it’s a pure wait and see game. After 7 years of Dubya we’re so elated by a politician that gives a good speech we’d follow him to a whorehouse in Tijuana just to hear what he had to say about it.

John Edwards. Because what this country needs is another lawyer in the White House. He comes off as kind of smarmy. And let’s face it, he’s too short. We don’t elect short presidents anymore.

Al Gore. I’m no Democratic Party strategist, but I think that’s been tried. Algore could put free basing meth addicts to sleep. Yes, I know he’s a good person because he cares about the environment. Decency doesn’t impress me nearly as much as competence. Little evidence in that department.

Joe Biden. Not a bad guy, aside from being a lifelong Washington political operator. I think we could use someone with experience that extends beyond the beltway. Hard pressed to think of anything off the top of my head that he’s done that’s been noteworthy.

John Kerry. Just announced he’s not going to run after all, much to the chagrin of the Republican Party. It’s rare that you get piñatas that large in political life.

Wesley Clark. Hard pressed to think of a single thing he’s done, ever. Makes me wonder if he’s overextended on his mortgage and needs a paying gig to make ends meet.

Denis Kucinich. Looks like a troll. If we don’t elect short presidents we sure as hell don’t elect trolls. If he were president we’d have tofu instead of meat in every school cafeteria. I think he’s a quiet Democratic version of Pat Buchanan.

Christopher Dodd. Who?

Tom Vilsack. Sounds too much like ball-sack. He could be FDR and JFK reincarnated but he’ll never get past his name.

Bill Richardson. The best qualified candidate that’s never going to get anywhere. Richardson has political street cred. He’s actually sat face to face with Kim “I’m so ronely” Jong Il and could probably get a handle on that mess. He’s been a governor for the past five years, and a good one at that. Also a former UN Ambassador from the mythological Clinton presidency, so he’s got global experience. A Spanish speaking Hispanic that’s actually done something about illegal immigration in his state. If we elected leaders based on competence instead of appearance and style he’d be the horse to put your money on.

This public service announcement was brought to you by Ares and Athena, LLC; Political consultants worldwide with offices in Paris, Tokyo, and Ball Ground.

Why I Don't Want Hillary

This one could get ugly in a hurry so I’ll keep it short. There are two pretty simple reasons why I’m dreading her run. The biggest one is that both sides are going to engage in euphoric recall/vilification about the Clinton presidency of the ‘90s. It’s over man, let it go. Nothing in the way of progress is going to occur while we spend a lot of wasted time arguing about things that happened 10 years ago. Hillary would be only too happy to let this happen, as it would allow her to avoid the hard questions. Hillary is to the right was Dubya is to the left: A two-legged shitstorm with a magical ability to bring out the worst in half the country. After 14 years I’m thoroughly tired of absolutist, blood sport, in-your-face trench warfare. Second reason: She’s not her husband. Love him or hate him, you have to admit he could give a speech and work the charm. Hillary’s got none of that. She comes off like a pinched and pissed off headmistress at a school for insolent children. And please don’t give me that bullshit about needing a woman president. It’s not about your race or gender, it’s about your politics. There’s an easy way to test that “we need a woman” president crap. Ask the issuer of that statement if they would support Ann Coulter if she ran. I didn’t think so. My objections are the same for both male and female presidents. I’d like to see one that isn’t bathed in the blood of partisan politics. I wonder if this country will ever produce another Teddy Roosevelt or FDR?

If this doesn’t get Athena out from under the pile on her desk I don’t know what will.

Ares

Monday Morning Doughnuts

Just a random thought for Monday morning. During my parents generation fast food and supermarkets became commonplace. It’s not too much of a stretch to say that we can pretty much eat whatever we want whenever we want as a result. One of the effects of this has been a national wrestling match with the effects of eating what we want instead of what we should. (I’m not calling anybody out here, glass houses and all that.) I see another 500 pound gorilla limbering up in the corner, this time in the form of the internet. The ability to access whatever information we want, whenever we want, is shaping up to be one of those blessing/curses that propels us forward with a new set of rocks around our neck. Somebody smarter than me probably hit on this years ago, but it’s just now making its way into my head on this blustery Monday morning.

Book Report

I just burned through a decent book: The Man in the High Castle by Phillip K. Dick. I promised myself I’d do more fiction this year and High Castle came recommended by an internet source I tend to trust. The premise of the book is what hooked me. It’s the early ‘60’s, and Germany and Japan won the Second World War. The Japanese occupy the west coast of the USA, renaming it the Pacific States of America. The Germans rolled through Europe, routed the Russians, and occupy the east coast of the U.S. After winning the Germans bottle up the Mediterranean and turn it into farm land, invent rocket travel to Mars and Venus, and take the Final Solution on the road to Africa.

Just in case you had any inkling to read it I haven’t given away any plot spoilers. The book is about the lives of a few separate people that are loosely connected. The aforementioned alternative history is dribbled out here and there. If the author sounds familiar it’s because he’s written stuff you’ve seen. Bladerunner (originally a book entitled Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?), Total Recall (originally a short story called We Can Remember It For You Wholesale) and Minority Report (they didn’t screw with that title) were all written by Mr. Dick. High Castle is really more a work of alternative history than Science Fiction. A nice thing about the book; it gives a subtle reminder of what was really at stake in the Second World War. Not the land or the conquest but the ideologies. Much like a beer on payday, the book goes down smooth and easy.

Ares

Pimp College

I came across this story the other day. The short version goes like this. Seems Mr. Abraham got convicted of murder when he was 13. Under some idiotic ‘get tough’ law in Michigan they tried him as an adult. After conviction the judge sentenced him as a juvenile, which means he gets to walk when he’s 21. Now that he’s out some bureaucratic gymnast got him into a program that gives free college tuition and room & board. The program was designed for foster kids. Really kinda ticked me off when I first read it, but not for the reasons you're thinking of. The biggest reason is that some poor kid that didn’t murder anybody won’t have a slot now. Sends a really, really bad message. On the flip side this is actually a good thing..... in theory. I’m looking at this from a long dollar/short dollar perspective. National recidivism rate for felons runs between 65 and 75%. Oklahoma had a program a few years back where they were letting people get college degrees in prison. The recidivism rate for those that got degrees dropped to 4%. Guaranteed that tuition costs less than housing an inmate for five years.

That said, I think this is gonna be a waste of time. The article talks about how Abraham had trouble with authority on the inside. If you can’t hack the program on the inside you’re sure as hell not gonna hack it on the outside. What’s going to happen the first time his boss gets in his face about being late for work? Also, it’s been shown time and again that emotional development stops when you enter a correctional setting. He was 13 when he went in. And walking out of prison dressed like Huggy Bear doesn’t help your image any. This is gonna be money down the toilet for the folks in Michigan.

Ares

That's a Man, Baby!

Are Athena and I the only ones that think Mick Jagger and Christiane Amanpour are actually the same person? That may have been a Vent, but we've been saying it for years.

The Big Uneasy

Good times on the bayou. Seems New Orleans has racked up 10 murders in the first two weeks of the year. The folks are pretty pissed off, and they held a little protest march to let the mayor know. My first thought is that you probably shouldn't have re-elected Ray "Chocolate City" Nagin. But that's really neither here nor there, things would have gone to s*** regardless of who works at city hall. Excellent piece buy the Christian Science Monitor breaks it down. Just over 200,000 have returned to the city. (That makes the murder rate even more impressive. Probably approaching Baghdad or Bogota per capita.) The police department is losing about 17 officers a month. Best stat in the piece: in '03 and '04 the conviction rate for murder was about 12%. (Nationwide is 80%) All this prompts me to ask the rhetorical question: What's the threshold for the federal government taking over? Any precedent Athena?

Ares

Imagine Their Kids

Supposedly they both spoke at an event at some college. Now this is an event I would go see. Imagine, something for everyone to hate. Sort of a Celebrity Death Match without the Death part. Attendees of the event said it was a split decision: Ann took the talent competition, Al carried the swimsuit portion of the event. These two should take this one on the road. They can call it the Bankrupt Ideologies Tour.

An Enormous Digression.

I pray you’ll excuse a slight geek holiday here. Defensetech is a great website. They try to stay abreast of the latest issues and technology in law enforcement and national security. The really nice thing about Noah and the boys is that they’re completely non-partisan and aren’t on anybody’s payroll, so they have no qualms about calling out some of the more stupid things that get done in that arena. Anyway, a little piece got thrown up over the weekend about the Littoral Combat Ship that’s being built for the Navy. Seems that after they built the first one Lockheed Martin almost doubled the quoted cost per ship, from $220 million to almost $410 million. Two thoughts immediately came to mind. First, I willing to wager if we started buying these things overseas the price would magically stabilize. I’m not so much of a blind patriot that I enjoy bending over for a defense contractor that hides behind the flag. Second thought: I really need to work in a business where I can just pass along my cost increases and budget overruns to my employer. “Sorry sir, but I’m going to have to charge you double my annual salary. Seems I’ve had some unexpected entertainment expenses on the weekends and the increase in gas prices has led to some expanded transportation costs.” The good news is that the Navy has issued a stop work order to Lockheed Martin.

A Rebranding Suggestion

So I was in my favorite Stop & Rob earlier tonight and a particular product caught my eye. I don't know when they switched from calling Velveeta a "Cheese Food" to calling it a "Cheese Product". Pretty sad, they won't even let them call it food anymore. Just some approximation of what cheese is supposed to be. I think there is a mighty parallel here with the mass media. Not so much an information source but more of a "News Product" we get fed. And just to digress a half step further, I found this picture on Amazon.com. People actually write product reviews for Velveeta. What the hell!?

Let Me Save You the Trouble

Thank god the mass media is on the case, eager to clear up any lingering questions I may have. From the "Why The F*** Is This News" files we have a report that Jennifer Wilbanks has dropped her lawsuit against her former fiance for running off with the money from their book deal. You may remember Miss Wilbanks as the "Runaway Bride" that went "missing" before her wedding, only to call from New Mexico to say "Just Kidding". I think my problem with this story is that someone offered them a half a million dollars to tell their "story" in a book. Note to the owners of ReganMedia: You have idiots working for you that give away large sums of money for what will be a one page book. I think it was going to read something like this: I'm rich, I'm spoiled, and now I'm really embarrased.

If Julia Roberts hadn't done that crappy movie and given the media a ready-made tagline would this have really been a story? Probably, because after all it was a missing white girl, even if only for a few mintues.

Separated at Birth?

Am I the only one that thinks John Negroponte and Anakin Skywalker are actually the same person? It would solve a lot of questions on Negroponte's part. Why, John, why did you kill the younglings?

Why I Shouldn't Breed

Short version: Because this is what I'm like after two cups of coffee. Imagine this in a four year old. Actually, my mother can.

Oh Windy One

All right. I've been accused of being too long winded in my posts. As a result of said corrective criticism, all posts shall henceforth be limited to a paragraph. Of course, that paragraph might be like a Faulkner book, but it will only be one paragraph. Thought I would post a picture of Athena's cat. Okay, it's not really Athena's cat. It actually looks like my boss, except he's not a cat.

Ares

Dead Space

Sorry about the lax blogging as of late, been spending too much time with work things. Finally got around to some days off and I can barely muster enough effort to reach the remote. The holidays were a serious endurance trial, worked nine straight days. By the end of it I had to refer to my driver’s license to be sure of my complete name. I’m strongly in need of some serious decompression time. I’ve got some good beer, a good book, and some good television.

Which brings me to today’s point. I lay on the couch last night in a half-conscious state watching Battlestar Galactica, wondering what we did for visual entertainment before CGI. If you’re not partaking of the new BSG then you’re missing out. You don’t have to be a Sci Fi fan to enjoy it. In the tradition of Bradbury or Heinlein, it’s more a story about people that happens to be set in the future. And unlike a lot of Sci Fi television up to this point, they put more effort into the script and storyline than visuals or gadgets. The show doesn’t try to substitute violence or gadgets with plot development. (Anybody out there remember V?)

Not that the visuals aren’t stellar. For the first time I really want a high def big screen. Those of you that saw Exodus Part 2 know what I’m talking about. (I would pay admission to a theater to watch the scene where Pegasus and Galactica are slugging it out with the Basestars) Having been a fan of the first one, I often wonder what we’re going to laugh about in this one thirty years from now. Like the picture on the right from the original series. It’s funny in retrospect. Yea, we travel in space, go faster than light, everybody has a personal laser gun, but we only have monochrome monitors and 640K hard drives. And has anyone else noticed in the original that when there’s some sort of space action sequence they had about five different three second clips they would use to try to explain every possible thing that could ever happen? Cylons closing in? Show the standard longshot of a dozen silver disks moving through space. Cylons are attacking? Show the three second clip of the self-defense batteries firing. Cylong ship hit by aforementioned defense batteries? Show the two second explosion in space clip. Battle over, cut to commercial.

We’ve come a long way baby in the visuals department. But even without the visuals, there’s actually character development in the new BSG. All of the women can pretty much beat you to death with their bare hands, proving they’ve solved that whole women-in-combat thing in the future. What’s more, the characters have actual flaws and fears and faults. Tigh and Starbuck drink themselves into a stupor after Exodus, and Starbuck’s marriage takes a dump. It’s easier to believe a future where people get scared, depressed, tired, and have to poop. (Okay, don’t have confirmation on that last one, but you believe that the characters actually do that. Part of that whole “identifying with them on a human level” thing that a lot of sci fi forgets.)

The dialogue is also a huge step forward. It tends to flow like people actually talk, which is more than can be said of a lot of other sci fi. “It’s naïve to think that horrible things we can’t understand have simple explanations. Simple explanations make us feel like we have control when we don’t.” (Love that line.) Jargon is used effectively, making it sound authentic without losing the audience. And the music is pretty damn good as well. Something of a violin concerto meets Dead Can Dance meets Ali Babba of the Desert meets Samurai war drums. Sounds silly but it works well. This show has been one of my very few television vices. At some point in the future I’m probably going to have to invest in buying it on DVD. (Birthday coming up; wink wink, nudge nudge.)

Ares